The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
