and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
