you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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