all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
