did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
