My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
