Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
