I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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