How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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