the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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