the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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