Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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