Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
