I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
