I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
