I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
