it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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