i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
