i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
