Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
