My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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