You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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