Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just pee around me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
