His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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