Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
