white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
