i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
