so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
