There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
