allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
