ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
