Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
