Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
