You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
