i need an iv and a liver transplant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
