Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
