Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
