My balls are so social today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
