My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
