let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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