I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
