perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
