There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
