I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
