and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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