i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
