Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
