Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
