My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
