did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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