1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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