roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
