Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
