he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
