A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
