So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
