I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
