I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
